A Million Ways
by spoopy.rock
Summary: Remus says I love you to Tonks in a million different ways.


He says _I love you_ when he holds her hand underneath the table during the Order meetings. He squeezes just a bit harder when they mention the painful losses, Emmeline Vance, Dumbledore, Mad-Eye, Sirius. He doesn't squeeze her hand too hard, he says he doesn't want to break it. She tells him that it's okay. She's an Auror, she can handle it. He just smiles and doesn't let go, because his hand means reassurance to her and her hand steadies him.

He says _I love you _when he helps her up after she's gone tripped over the umbrella stand for the millionth time. He carries her up and helps her upstairs, pulling her pant legs up, checking her battered and bruised knees. He kisses them, and murmurs spells so quietly, it's like he never said anything. He holds her as her knees repair themselves and become as pink as her hair.

He says _I love you_ when he kisses her "good morning" at three in the morning. He pretends to be sorry when she starts throwing pillows at him, saying that it was too early to actually wake up. He lets her fall asleep in his arms again and doesn't wake her up until later after shes had her sleep. He peppers his face with kisses and she laughs and tosses more pillows at him.

He says _I love you_ when he shoves her away from him for her own safety. She would stumble and trip and fall into the deep deep abyss of sadness. She would exit reality, the only thing she could think of was that this was not love. He would only think of her. To him, pushing her away was the best thing to do. He wanted to protect her. Sometimes, the best way to protect was to make sacrifices.

He says _I love you _when he strolls into he workroom and casually asks her about her day. He would sit down and watch her hair change colours as she recalled the ups and downs of her life. She'd only let herself be free with him, he understood and allowed her to feel that he would never judge her. Sometimes, when she talked with him, her hair would go red in anger, blonde in tiredness, pink in happiness, violet when she was uncomfortable, black when she was in pain and turquoise when she was bored. His favourite shade was her mousy brown, something he would only see when he held her close.

He says _I love you_ when he keeps her close next to him at night, trying to avoid his nightmares. Even though it's been years, the full moon would still frighten him, wake him up at night shaking with fevered dreams. She would understand and draw lazy shapes on his chest, murmuring comforting words to him, telling him that it will be okay, she would always be there for him. He would stay strong and survive. She would reassure him that it would all be fine, and he would believe her.

He says _I love you_ when he hides from her during Christmas. He wants to protect her, he wants to sacrifice things for her. He wants her to be accepted by society, so he hides. He would see her walking around, the way her hair has changed to mousy brown breaks his heart. He would look through the window and feel his heart break as she wakes up alone without him. It takes up all his strength to not turn to her and pick her up in his arms; to tell her it was okay, he was here, he would never leave. But how far would love go? How long before it would break him again? He wondered as he closed his eyes. He could see the image of her smile fading away, her hair becoming brown. He knew it was his fault, but he dares not to turn back, to rejoin her and possibly break her apart again.

He says _I love you _when he begs for forgiveness on her doorstep. She shouts at him and wants to close the door, but he's so stubborn that he refuses to let her go without explaining his side of the story. He wants to be able to fully assure her that he wouldn't leave again, but she was wary of trusting him. She wanted all of him, not just a part. She wanted him to stop pulling away and making excuses. She didn't care, she'd told him a million times.

He says _I love you_ with the slightest of nerves in his voice, the smallest tremble in his hands, as he kneels down on one knee and asked her the most important question he will ever ask in his entire life.

'Will you marry me?'

He says _I love you _on the most important day of his life when she stumbles and trips down the aisle in nothing but flowing white satin. Her hair is long and brown, cascading in ringlets down her shoulders, changed to match his white-speckled brown hair.

He says _I love you_ when they lie together under the covers, his arms sliding over her body. She shivers and snuggles closer into his arms, whispering words into his ear. Her words are magic, soothing him. He caresses her body gently, afraid to break it. Their bodies move together, and he doesn't know which limbs are his and which are hers. He falls asleep with her head buried in his chest and she like an angel when she wakes up. He can't stop smiling because she's his forever and beyond.

He says _I love you_ when he begs her to forgive him after he's gone and left her alone again. She's reluctant to say yes, but allows him inside, ignoring his apologies. He says her couldn't handle it at the time, he felt guilty for doing this to an innocent child, he didn't want to make them outcasts. THey didn't deserve it. He promises her that he wouldn't leave ever again, even though he's promised this many times before. She believes him and pressing herself close to his heart.

He says _I love you _when he watches her. Her stomach is still flat, so he can't bring himself to believe that a human is growing inside of there. In the deepest folds of night, he places his hands on her stomach and whispers his love to the child, apologizing for everything he's done.

He says _I love you_ when he touches her stomach one evening and feels the baby flutter and kick. He sees his wife's eyes light up, they brighten the room. Her hands cover his and he looks into her soft gray eyes, seeing so much love that he thinks that he won't be able to exist any longer.

He says _I love you_ when she screams and curses at him. He feels her pain, and wishes he could take it all from her, even if it meant him hurting instead. He didn't want her to be hurting because of him.

When he holds his son in his arms, he whispers "I love you". Dora lays beside him, pale and radiant, and he kisses her passionately. He can't believe that he was half of this tiny, wonderful creature. His son. He couldn't imagine himself as this little guys father.

He says _I love you_ when he leaves her and Teddy at home to fight for a better world. He kisses her and promises that he will be home by morning. He knows he has made another fragile promise, but he will try his hardest to keep it intact. He won't break anything anymore.

He whispers _I love you_ when they lie together, hand in hand, for the last time. He opens his eyes one more time and looks at his wife with all the love he had ever had for someone. He closes his eyes and finally lets go, knowing that he will be able to find her and whisper "I love you" in the afterlife.


End file.
